How is it even possible, when you are three, to be a "bully"? What a label to have! I want to avoid that label with this student, if possible. It may help to categorize and come up with strategies, but I don't want my mind, or anyone else's, to think of the work "bully" before "child".
I knew Y last year, when he was a nursery student. He will be 4 towards the end of October. He is always moving, and in the classroom (so far) has preferred blocks, legos, the sensory table, and dramatic play. On the playground, he likes playing with the plastic animals, running, jumping, growling.
He has a difficult time waiting his turn. When he wants something another child has, it seems that he can hardly contain his need to touch the item, or take it. Today he wanted a small wheelbarrow on the playground to put his plastic dinosaurs in; they were both being used. He looked longingly at one that his friend, O, was using. He asked for it, O said no. Y threw his dinosaurs down, growled, and ran acrss the playground. A minute later, he was over by O, pushing his hands off the wheelbarrow handles so he could have it. Another minute later, he chased O with his dinosaurs, growling and screaming, holding the dinosaurs in front of him as he ran -- and O dropped the wheelbarrow, crying, with a look of fear on his face. Y put his dinosaurs in the abandoned wheelbarrow and began to casually walk off with it - I intervened here.
He can be physical, too -- sometimes he does it because he is angry, but other times he seems to simply be having trouble staying in his own space. He does not hit as much as he pushes and pokes.
Knowing Y's behavior from last year, I considered him an active boy. I'm thinking more now about where to stretch and where to stop. He has shown bullying behavior -- he was looking at a book that another child took out of the library, and as that child came to the book area, Y sang, "Nah nah nah nah nah, I read the book!" Teasing at this age is new to me. Is he imitating something he has seen his brother do? Is he teased and bullied at home, and taking control by teasing at school?
I don't want to jump to conclusions - I want to learn more about how I can help teach him positive social behaviors, and support his successes as he learns about being a part of our community.
A first step I'm trying is role playing, and acting out with puppets. I think it is important to frame everything as positively as possible, too. Perhaps we can also create a book with photographs of children being kind and respectful. I think using this as a space where I can work through my thoughts and observations will prove helpful, too.
I love the idea of incorporating photography. You could photograph him while he is being respectful, sharing, working together, etc, so he can have his own book that you can refer him back to when needed. Good luck :)
ReplyDeleteFirst off -- you have 2 commenters named Mariah. How cool is that.
ReplyDeleteI had a boy last year who had some things in common with your little guy. My boy didn't tease, but he had a seriously hard time waiting his turn and not using his hands when frustrated.
I had a least 1 aide each day so I was able to give N his own person. Whoever took the role as N's person stayed close while giving N plenty of room for all the positive interactions he was able to initiate or take part in. But we were there to give him the support he needed to accomplish his goals in an acceptable manner. So if he wanted a turn with a toy we were there to prompt him to ask for a turn in 5 minutes and we stayed with the exchange giving both kids additional prompts --"It's N's turn in 3 min." and so on. We could prompt N to acknowledge the child who passed the toy. We could offer any support N needed to join a game or invite someone to join his game. This strategy helped N to have way more positive interactions with the group.
Because N was a screamer and hitter the other kids were very quickly wary of him. Our being this present also helped them relax and know that we were paying attention.
N did gain skills in monitoring himself through the year. He did still have issues, but he was doing better.
Good luck
Mariah
I know you saw the ted talks video on creativity? The story he told at the end- the story of the dancer, who was a "problem" at school, until she entered dance school and met the people like her. . .
ReplyDeleteI always worry that we jump to conclusions about a child not knowing the proper social behaviors - because these are all so available from such a young age. We have a similar child in our class, and I haven't yet found a solution, but I wonder if this is just about different types of learning and different ways of forming attachments? I wonder about my own behaviour in situations where I am just uncomfortable or bored - like a formal sit-down class. I'm kinesthetic, and NEED to wiggle my body, shake my leg, doodle. . . .something. . . .
I agree that we shouldn't be trying to fit everyone into a social-emotional box. One reason the world is an exciting place because of the variety!
ReplyDeleteHe is absolutely, definitely, a kinesthetic kid. Always moving, always seeking out sensory experiences, talking and yelling and singing. I like that you connected it to thinking about yourself different situations - beacuse adults have the same tendancies. Why do we need to force Y to fit into a box? We need him to be safe and respectful - he is part of a larger classroom community, and he cannot have all of the space and things that he wants, all of the time. But we can respect him and his personality, ideas, interests, and strengths.